All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
