So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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