Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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