Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
