I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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