After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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