I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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