I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
