Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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