Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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