Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
