Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
