Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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