you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
