i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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