I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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