I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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