dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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