Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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