So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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