She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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