he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
