these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
