Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
