between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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