Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
