hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
