He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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