i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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