Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
