I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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