Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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