I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
