R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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