I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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