He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
