Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
