just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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