yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A bitchslap is in order.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
