you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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