Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
