You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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