how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
