One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
