wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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