PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
