This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
