I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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