Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
