Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
