I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
