Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
