pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
