I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
